July 18th, 2007

looking at camera

the fear of everyone knowing

in some ways I am fucked up in the head, as everyone probably already knows lol. I have a fear of everyone finding out I am gay and its almost irrational. eg my brother and friends know I am gay. My parents do not although they probably do but I have never formally come out to them. The internet knows I am gay. I have always been open and honest on it about everything. But here is the weird thing I don't want people from my high school finding out. I have this fear of them all knowing and spreading it around. Its stupid because I left the school in 1995 and they don't meet up as a high school anymore and they probably don't even care!

When I was in high school no one was gay or came out openly but people tell me in college and university people become more open and individual, but in high school everyone tries to be the same and not be individual (generally).

If you take examples like my friends reunited profile. I do not say my sexuality, and I do not link my homepage or anything else on the net. There is just this fear! I have told old friends and some people who have contacted me I am gay and they have never cared.

This all comes to a head with face book, which links your high school with your profile. I have entered my school on my livejournal and myspace in the last year, but on face book I can see people I knew from school also linked on it.

I just cant be arsed to hide being gay and all my details on it. If someone reads it and spreads it around, oh well!
I just hope I don't live to regret it you know?