July 19th, 2001

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Smile, you're on Big Brother!

My coolest friend Debs went to this awesome joke website here, and it lets you make your own Big Brother with friends names :)

I found it really amusing, but the names doesn't necessarily reflect the person below, so it's humour fiction not real [disclaimer lol]


OK, this is from a site that makes up a personalised version of Big Brother for you. You just have to type in the names of 6 people you know, and then choose stuff like a type of food, a song, a TV show etc etc and it puts them
into a story. This is what it came up with when I tried it! :-D


Big Brother!

Day 1 - Dan admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Michelle. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Louisa is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Jonny later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Chris Barnes creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Jackee hits him with a ladle.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother -they must make a model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa out of cheese. After much persuasion by Chris Barnes, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Leaning Tower of Pisa task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Jonny, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the cheese. Jackee is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Leaning Tower of Pisa task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Jonny farts and blows the Leaning Tower of Pisa over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Michelle cries.

6 - Chris Barnes gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Michelle admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a ladle. Dan says he never wears condoms because they make his didgeridoo sore
and Chris Barnes agrees. Louisa goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Jonny sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Chris Barnes.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Dan goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to.
Jackee and Michelle are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Dan.

9 - Jackee and Michelle are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Louisa sings them a song - Everything I Dooooo, I Do It For Yooouuu - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Michelle out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Michelle leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Michelle's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last
week's failed task. Louisa has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Jackee is visibly depressed and is comforted by Chris Barnes, who tries to touch her on her inner thigh.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Chris Barnes touching Jackee's inner thigh over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will
increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Jonny refuses to run because his didgeridoo hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Jonny finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Jackee calls Jonny a lazy didgeridoo.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Dan tells everyone individually that he thinks Jackee is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Jackee and Chris Barnes are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Dan.

16 - The nominations are announced. Jackee can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Chris Barnes is equally stunned and turns to Jackee for comfort. Jonny is distraught and confesses to Louisa that he thinks he
is in love with Chris Barnes. Louisa says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Chris Barnes out of the house. Jackee says she is gutted and even gives Chris Barnes a clipping of hair from her inner thigh to prove how much she cares. Jonny is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Chris Barnes leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Jackee clipping the hair from her inner thigh. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Latvia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Latvia sounds like but Jonny says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Dan as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Dan successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Latvia but also God Save The Queen, Everything I Dooooo, I Do It For Yooouuu and the theme tune to Grandstand. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a votein a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Dan tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Jonny and Louisa are nominated.

23 - Jonny and Louisa take their nominations well and sit down with Dan and Jackee to discuss why they voted for them. Dan keeps quiet but Jackee accuses Jonny of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centered didgeridoo before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Louisa out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Louisa leaves.

25 - Dan becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Dan's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of cheetah dung using only a ladle. Dan is unsure but Jonny is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Jonny breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the cheetah incident from his childhood. Jackee tries to persuade him to stay but Dan sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Jonny decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the cheetah dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Jackee from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Dan asks Jackee to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Dan nominates Jackee to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Jackee.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Jackee graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Dan is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Dan takes his £70,000 and runs away to Latvia. Nobody, including Jackee, ever sees him again.

The Site With No Name
Jokes, competitions and silly Shockwave games
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If You Can Read This, You're Not The US President!

George W Bush was in London today. He is visiting. How horrific. I have never really been a very political person, I find it very boring. I think I am quite liberal and would never be republican or conservative. But I think that WHOEVER you vote for will not do all the promises that they state and also no democratic election ever in the world is 100% genuine. I am sure lots have had dodgy schemes going on. This has been found in the UK years ago with forged elderly proxy/postal votes.

I cannot believe any country would ever vote George W Bush Jr in. I have a bet with an American friend that in 4 years time, he will leave with the country in dire straits and at war with most countries, eg China, Japan ,Russia etc. My dad says that people voted for Republicans because they did not want any gun control.

Bush really is a dreadful person with extremely dodgy conservative views and lots of stakes in energy and oil companies and family in positions of power. Of course he wants no environmental treaties, although his country pollutes the most in the world.

I think that Bush is one of the most hated leaders in the world, almost like Hitler. Wherever he goes he has huge crowds of people demonstrating against him. In the UK there was nude streakers, and all these people dresses as Texans. Men as cowboys and girls with big blond wigs and stuff.

There is some hilarious websites on the net about Bush. Everyone seems to hate Clinton, but I think he did so much stuff, although the scandal was much more important news. [all celebrities and leaders have had affairs and indiscretions, whats new?]
I feel so dirty, whilst he is in the UK!

George W Bush Jr - Not A Crackhead!
site of the week: toostupdtobeapresident.com
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