in the garden 2008

I'm still not dead (yet)

its 2010 and a livejournal update *gasp* which updates rss feeds and other stuff around the web! I forget exactly where it sends posts also too! Nearly everyone on my livejournal has deleted their journal or not updating anymore! I think the future of livejournal is its dead. I use facebook and twitter so much more now, there is links to my profiles on my info! I update them daily! I am still not deleting my lj yet, I will update occasionally :)

2009 was by large a bit of a crap year but with some fleeting good moment! although I feel I made a gentle progress through it

10 things I did in 2009

  • I lost three people I knew but none of them that close or that I was related too. All of the deaths were horrible and still made me sad :(
  • I made about 2000 friends on twitter! People still keep adding me, I am really not that interesting!
  • I started a fairly anonymous mental health blog, I am not very good at anonymous and is pretty easy to find, ask me privately if you want the link, people seem to like it ;)
  • I turned 30 in May and struggled before reaching old age! I threw a cocktail party in a bar! I had all my friends there and randomly invited some people I knew from the interweb and felt close with and they were wonderful! I had never danced so much or drunk so much ;-)
  • Also in May I upgraded my phone to my first ever Blackberry which is currently sent off for repair, I am really really missing it so much! I may be addicted badly :)
  • I realised my fave drink of all is an appletini and prefer spirits / cocktails/ white wine to beer
  • My family did major building work and extended the house to create a new conservatory / sun room and double size kitchen and little toilet downstairs. It looks gorgeous and the kitchen is all modern with fabulous appliances. its the first new kitchen my mum has had since 1985! The work went on from July to the end of November! No work went on during August however. It was high stress and I photographed everything as a record :)

  • I thought I had found love with someone, I was mistaken :(

  • I became addicted to Lady Gaga

  • I celebrated my best friend / fag hag's birthday in a bar / club in Earl's Court last Dec.
I think I challenge and push myself more to do things! I can see that I am progressing to a normal life of not anxiety insanity, but its still a slow progress! I want a nice man and a job / career, but I think I am edging closer to those :)

in 2009 my New Year's resolution was to not take anything personally, especially not on the internet! its so easy to misread things!
in 2010 my resolution is to be a little more selfish, I always care and worry about others. I want to do what I want that makes me happy! if I cant be happy or love myself then why should I rely on anyone else. I think its all about the self and more independence this year.

On Thursday I am having minor surgery in hospital. I go in the morning and then early afternoon they are going to do oral surgery under general anaesthetic to remove two wisdom teeth. Its a little complicated to get to them so has to have a general anaesthetic! Its been stressing me out for the past 3 months about it! I should be home that evening hopefully! I then have a fun week of a really bruised jaw and stitched up mouth and there is gonna be soup and yoghurt eating! I have been reading "feel the fear and feel it anyway" and it has been making me see it more positively! I am most worried about handling the recovery. what happens if I am really ill afterwards. I am being positive and optimistic and I can handle it (I hope)

2010 is all about new and more challenges! I realise I have to do things that I don't like and feel stressful! much love :)
in the garden 2008

25 random things about me (turned into 28 things)

Two livejournal updates in one day has hell frozen over I hear you cry?
I posted this to my facebook a few weeks ago but reposting it here for you to see...

so like like a sheep with everyone else doing it, this is my random facts, I couldn't cut it down to just 25, I had to do 28! you are supposted to tag 25 other people and pass it around :)

1. I have not had good health since the 24th January 1996. I have felt better in the last year than I have before and hoping for a normal life with working etc sometime soon. I am not quite there yet. I still suffer from anxiety and tiredness. I do believe my illness is a very important part of my life and made me who I am today.

2. My Fathers side of the family are Welsh and Mothers from Yorkshire. They met at Cardiff University.

3. My Parents had a seriously wild time in the sixties and went to all kinds or parties. They took more cannibis and alcohol than me and my brother probably ever will. I get great stories out of their old friends from then ;)

4. My brother and I were each given Welsh names. His first name is Gareth which he hated as a child because there was no one else called that and my middle name is “Huw” which Is the Welsh version of “Hugh”. I used to really hate it but now am indifferent.

5. My mother hates people who call me “Danny”. But does not mind “Daniel” or “Dan”. A friend once called from America and asked for Danny and my mother said there was no one here by that name! I don’t really care about it!

6. I am happy go lucky nearly all the time and very rarely depressed / frustrated or down. I don’t see the point in living in that state. I am nearly always giggling and laughing!

7. I sucked my thumb until I was 13 years old and no one could get me to stop no matter how hard they tried! In the end I had braces on my top teeth to fix the damage done by it and the first set of braces had a plastic bit which filled the roof of my mouth and physically stopped my thumb touching it. I am scared to suck my thumb again in case I get hooked all over again

8. Unlike several of my friends who have done this I have never slept with any celebrities as yet :P

9. I don’t think I could handle 24 hours without access to facebook and twitter and my mobile! Sad but true

10. I am addicted to hair and beauty products and spend far too much money on it but also become an amateur expert and can fix any problem I believe! I would rather go without food before them :)

11. My bestest friend / fag hag in the entire world was the person I argued the most with in high school :) We fell out for years as best friends but great again!

12. I used to hate children but love them now! I am really good with children and weirdly attract them to me wherever I go! But not in a sick way. I don’t want any of my own though probably

13. I love art and design but am really bad at art (and also sports). For some odd reason I have never worked out I naturally attract art people to me all the time. I think its opposites attract or something

14. I think rugby league players are the sexiest men in sport

15. I don’t think I have ever been in love

16. I often cant decide between two arguments on discussions or someone changes my view on sometime. I am often in the middle or not set in stone in my views

17. I truly believe I have been gay from birth. One of my first gay experiences as a child was the storm troopers in star wars. I was in someway attracted to them aged like 4 or 5

18. Everyone but my parents know I am gay. In discussions with friends they cannot believe they don’t know. Everytime I think there is no way they don’t know they say something like “cant wait for marriage and children” hahaha. I am gonna come out when I bring home a boyfriend and announce it. They are very very liberal but still its something I can never go back on

19. I have a really strange memory. I have a photographic memory when it comes to people. I remember everything they tell me about them or they tell me going back years. Eg all the jobs they had or something. But the memory is no help in learning/ languages or anything else.

20. I have cool black cousins by marriage. My uncle married a lady from Zambia and took on her 3 children. They all live in Botswana.

21. I am pretty good at repairing computers as long as they are not Apple. I have no idea what to do with my personal website anymore, I just cant be arsed with it anymore!

22. I once bumped into Brian May from Queen. As a child I went to a theatre to a pantomime with his wife Anita Dobson in it. During the interval I was going down the aisle which was not flat, it was on a slope and difficult to walk up and I bumped into this tall man with stupid hair! Later on I found out it was Brian May but his hair when I bumped into him was in a ponytail and looked huge. Like sideshow bob from the Simpsons.

23. My best and worst qualities are empathy. I worry about and think of other people too much! I am very empathetic

24. Although I have never found a particular educational field I excel in I am full of general knowledge about everything! I always want to find out about why something works or how something happens etc.

25. For a while in early 2008 I thought I was cursed. Anyone who had helped me in my life who was not a relation had died of cancer! Two so far! I have now decided it was unfortunate coincidence

26. I had my fortune told in May 2008. she said that 2009 would be a big year for me with much better health and work prospects. I would meet my soul mate and move out of my parents house. I am not sure if it will all come true but it might.

27. I suffer slightly from OCD. I am a nightmare hoarder and useless at throwing anything away. I am so sick of my room being full of crap I am thinking about going mad in 2009 and getting it totally redecorated and anew!

28. I am starting to think about future careers for myself. I have thought about computing/ health / beauty / web site design fields. And in the past thought about nursing and horticulture. At the moment my dream job would be a make up artist or special effects make up artist but not sure if I am good enough at art for it. My other job I am thinking about is occupational health but not sure if I want to go to university again!

The End and it only slightly nearly killed me :)
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odds and ends (aka happy new year!)

Hi my lovely livejournal friends

how are you? no doubt fabulicious!

I have felt guilty about updating lj less and less but nearly all my lj friends seem to update infrequently these days or never update or have deleted their journal now. some people have even said journalling and blogging are dead! Its not just me.

I find it much easier now to regularaly update my facebook and twitter which I update a lot. If you don't have me already on those services you are welcome to add me, details at the bottom of this post.

I feel sad when people delete me from here,  I will update from time to time and wont be updating this account as much as I have years ago. I just have used it less in the past year. Its easier to twitter your feelings in a little message than writing it out in a huge post! It takes ages!
I wont be deleting my lj and will try to write some things occasionally is what I am saying! x

Don't get me started on my website and webcam out of date! lol

I don't want to lose touch with my lovelist lj friends!

if you wanna add me other places:-

My Facebook
My Twitter

other ones are on my LJ profile like myspace etc

D x

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The Saga of the Shower!

My brother broke the shower we have in the attic where we live by jumping on the base a while ago and cracking the plastic. We taped it up with brown tape but it got worse and worse leaking through the house! lol A plumber finally came today to replace the cabinet but found out it had been leaking from everywhere in the walls and everything. We have to replace it all and dry it out!

this is the pictures of the damage:-

hole in the floor hole in the wall
hole in the floor
hole in the wall
more pics

I want a good quality power shower again and not the crappy one in the bathtub boo!
p.s - I think the tiles in the bathroom are so gorg and hoping they don't all get destroyed!

in the garden 2008

dear livejournal, I apologise to you for neglect

Hello my lovelies,

I apologise for being so bad with livejournal recently. It interests me greatly to see how the internet changes and grows and I can see journals / personal blogs/ personal websites / domains dying and people just using social networking. You have to think and type out an entry unless its just a photo post or forward quiz thing, rather than just typing a sentence in twitter or facebook. I went off livejournal for a bit and didn't feel like writing anything personal in it. Now I just think fuck it, I will write anything I want! I will try and update once a week at least with something I promise!

But meaning to write something for a while and regular hear from friends who still have me linked on here who moan I don't write personal things enough and instead comment on news/tv/articles more. Anyway here is a personal post! Nearly all of my lj entries are open to the public, very few are protected because journaling my life is open to the world whether good things or bad things are happening. This is not a protected entry, but I was close to making it protected )

Anyway on with it. Lets talk about love. After years of not having anyone I really want a partner and believe that I will one day find my life long soul mate. But in the last year or so feeling very lonely. About a month ago I was asked out on a date by a guy online who was lovely and handsome and tall. But I turned them down. I want someone but I don't think I am capable of handling a relationship to be honest. With my illness and life its very difficult to have someone or like go and meet them in a bar. I would be too scared and anxious to be honest. I think I will be stuck on my own forever :(

I think my health has improved a bit and I am doing more things than years ago but really my life is so different to anyone and I suddenly realised the other day that my life is very reliant on others. I am the opposite to independent! this is not meant to be a depressing post just the truth. I don't think I will meet anyone until I am or become more independent.

I have been thinking about future careers however and it changes regularly but quite interested in either make up artist for tv/film/theatre or special effects make up artist or occupational health. They are the paths I am intrigued by.

Hopefully oneday I will meet someone, I don't want to be alone forever :(

Green Water

RIP Sophia

Estelle Getty who played Sophia Petrillo in the Golden Girls died today 3 days before her 85th birthday!!
I can't believe its the first Golden Girl gone :( she was not the oldest but did have the worst health in recent years :(

news story
standing near my nearest tube station

rocket science

 "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"
Newton's third law of motion

In other news I have a red nose at the moment. I don't know why but think its a spot coming through ugh