Hello my lovelies,
I apologise for being so bad with livejournal recently. It interests me greatly to see how the internet changes and grows and I can see journals / personal blogs/ personal websites / domains dying and people just using social networking. You have to think and type out an entry unless its just a photo post or forward quiz thing, rather than just typing a sentence in twitter or facebook. I went off livejournal for a bit and didn't feel like writing anything personal in it. Now I just think fuck it, I will write anything I want! I will try and update once a week at least with something I promise!
But meaning to write something for a while and regular hear from friends who still have me linked on here who moan I don't write personal things enough and instead comment on news/tv/articles more. Anyway here is a personal post! Nearly all of my lj entries are open to the public, very few are protected because journaling my life is open to the world whether good things or bad things are happening. This is not a protected entry, but I was close to making it protected )
Anyway on with it. Lets talk about love. After years of not having anyone I really want a partner and believe that I will one day find my life long soul mate. But in the last year or so feeling very lonely. About a month ago I was asked out on a date by a guy online who was lovely and handsome and tall. But I turned them down. I want someone but I don't think I am capable of handling a relationship to be honest. With my illness and life its very difficult to have someone or like go and meet them in a bar. I would be too scared and anxious to be honest. I think I will be stuck on my own forever :(
I think my health has improved a bit and I am doing more things than years ago but really my life is so different to anyone and I suddenly realised the other day that my life is very reliant on others. I am the opposite to independent! this is not meant to be a depressing post just the truth. I don't think I will meet anyone until I am or become more independent.
I have been thinking about future careers however and it changes regularly but quite interested in either make up artist for tv/film/theatre or special effects make up artist or occupational health. They are the paths I am intrigued by.
Hopefully oneday I will meet someone, I don't want to be alone forever :(